


Exile - a Christmas story

by fannyfieser



Series: Making history [1]
Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Christmas, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Friendship, Love, M/M, New Years, Queer History
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:47:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28033383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fannyfieser/pseuds/fannyfieser
Summary: "I can see you standin', honeyWith his arms around your body"Henry and alex have been through hell together, so now everything should be fine, right? But when Henry feels the love of his life slipping away, it sends him spiraling to a place where Alex might never find him again...
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz & June Claremont-Diaz, Alex Claremont-Diaz & Nora Holleran, Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, Beatrice Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor & Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, Beatrice Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor & Percy "Pez" Okonjo, Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor & Percy "Pez" Okonjo, June Claremont-Diaz & Beatrice Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, June Claremont-Diaz/Nora Holleran, June Claremont-Diaz/Nora Holleran/Percy "Pez" Okonjo
Series: Making history [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053386
Comments: 14
Kudos: 50





	1. 1. Exile

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo this will be a longer story and I'll keep adding chapters until Christmas/NYE. Please do leave a comment and give feedback on how you're liking the story so far! I feel like we all can use some Alex/Henry love right now. When I wrote the story, I had specific songs in mind which is where the titles come from. Enjoy! This first one is Exile by Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver.

Prologue

The doorhandle presses heavy against his palm, as Henry pushes the door open. He lifts his eyes to take in the stunning ornaments that decorate the ceiling of the law building of NYU. He pushes one hand through his golden hair, while the other one carries the brown paper bag. It holds two sandwiches, one chicken and one with avocado, and two cups of steaming coffee. If it weren’t for him, Alex would probably never eat anything. That guy knows how to be consumed by whatever task he’s currently working on. That was the case when he worked for his mother, and it still is now that he’s studying law. He’s probably trying to be the fastest to ever graduate in history, or something. That’s not what Henry had in mind, when they talked about making history…And anyway, the making history part isn’t going so well anyhow. Even though his ambition is one thing that Henry has always loved about Alex, this is going too far. He’s barely seeing him during the week and even on the weekends, when Alex is physically present, Henry knows his head to be everywhere else but in the brownstone with him. But it’s fine. They’ll be fine. Every relationships has its ups and downs and once Alex is done with school, everything is going to change. It’s not that Henry hasn’t got anything to do himself, but Alex just never seems to find time for the two of them. But if Alex won’t come to him, Henry will just come to him.   
It takes him a minute to orientate himself in the big building, but eventually he finds his way to one of the study spaces. He scans about fifty twenty-somethings with their eyes locked on the computer screens or their heads buried in books. Where is Alex? Then he thinks he catches a glimpse of him, one arm disappearing behind a corner. Henry decides to follow the lead and makes his way across the room. When he turns around the corner, “what the actual fuck”, escapes him under his breath. There’s Alex, leaning against a wall. But there’s also a tall guy, messenger bag swung over his shoulder. He’s got his lips pressed onto Alex’s and one hand at his waist. Blood rushes to his ears as he turns on his heels and hurries out of the building, dumping the bag of food in a dustbin on the way out. He leaves so quickly that he misses the disgusted push Alex gives the guy, to bring as much distance as possible between them.   
“The fuck, dude. I’m taken!” 

“Going somewhere, sweetheart?”, Alex returns to find their flat in pieces, Henry ferociously throwing the most random assortment of clothes into a duffle-bag.   
“As a matter of fact, I am. And stop calling me that”, Henry’s voice sounds hurt, but he doesn’t turn to face Alex.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“You tell me, Alex. Oh wait-you never do.”   
“I never do what?”  
“I don’t know Alex. Look at me, talk to me, spend time with me. I’ve been in a relationship with a ghost for the last couple of months and I’m bloody sick of it.”  
“Hold on. Hold on. Let’s talk about this.”  
“I don’t want to talk. There’s nothing to discuss anymore. It’s too late. Look, you need to sort yourself out and I thought I could be by your side. You dove in head first into this whole bisexual thing, just like you always do. And I get that it’s all very new to you, but I can’t be the one getting hurt anymore.”  
“What are you saying? You’re straight out talking shit! I don’t know where any of this is coming from.”  
“Oh,I think you do. Let me spell it out for you: this isn’t working, Alex. We aren’t working.”, he says as he grabs the bag and slams the door shut.   
As Alex watches Henry storm off, he has yet to realise that it will be the last time he’ll see him for quite some time. 

-9 Months later-

Alex pulls his coat closer around his body. It’s new. Alex can’t help but remember what his old coat used to smell like. Of freshly cut grass and cologne. Of London at Christmas time. His new one doesn’t smell of anything other than the smoke coming out of New Yorks sidewalks. It’s comforting to know that this isn’t another thing to remind him of… him. The cold still manages to creep in, but given New York’s Christmasy sub-zero temperatures, it could be much worse. He’s managed to survive much colder temperatures these last few months, though they weren’t due to the weather. He shrugs as if to shake off the dark thoughts he keeps locked deep inside of him. Instead to chooses to focus on the bright Christmas lights hung above the street as he makes his way home from yoga practice. He tries to ignore the numerous couples that stroll past him, but it still stings. Never mind, he tells himself. Even though that particular happiness is no longer part of his life, he has other things to hold onto. He’s made sure that there’s no time in his schedule for him to drown in his grief. University, dinner parties with his new “friends” and his charitable duties. Furthermore, he’s started his yoga teacher training, which he’s almost done with. The old Alex would have laughed if he’d known that Alex would ever study to become a yoga teacher. But in reality, the sport has helped him over a rough time, locking away said old Alex. Apart from the mental effect it’s had on him, he’s also gained quite a few pounds of muscle, also part of the reason he’s got a new coat. At the usual corner, Alex takes a detour to avoid the kiosk with its shiny magazine covers, filled with stories Alex definitely doesn’t want to hear right now. It’s not that he couldn’t cope with them, but why pour salt in the wound that has trouble healing anyways. In general he tries to keep away from any kind of gossip that might concern him or a certain English heir. Even June seems to have realised that, as she’s stopped to show him her usual stack of magazines.  
He climbs up the stairs of his brownstone and unlocks the door, dropping his yoga mat on the floor on the way in. He opens his laptop on the kitchen island, while starting to assemble the greens he plans on putting into his soup. Annoyingly his phone starts to ring. Bea.   
“What the fuck.” Suddenly he’s taken back to various nights in the spring, when he desperately trying to reach Bea and she never picked up. Neither of them did. Bea probably did it in solidarity to her brother. Alex still can’t explain what happened on that march day, but after weeks he gave up to find an explanation. They didn’t want to talk then, so why would he now? 

A sharp noise tears Alex from his sleep. At first, he has troubles locating the source of the sound. The dim rays of light of as street lamp make their from a gap in the curtains. It must be either very late or very early. One would think that Alex would be able to distinguish the two of them by now, having worked through countless sleepless nights in his life. He can’t. He glances at the digital clock on his nightstand. 4:15. Who the heck would ring a door bell at that hellish hour? A feeling of hope, if very small, rises in his chest as he stumbles down the steps and through the dark flat. He opens the door and his face falls. Of course. Only one person would have the audacity to do so.


	2. Higher - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can't get much higher  
> New York in the summertime  
> Get close with a bottle of wine  
> Last year was a broken heart  
> Last year was a broken heart  
> Last year was a broken heart"
> 
> Alex was fine without Henry. Well, at least he was coping or... to be quite honest suppressing. Whatever. Henry, on the other hand, was doing neither of those things. With months passed, Alex is suddenly confronted with the descent from 'his' Henry to someone he can't recognise. Impotently, he's left to wonder: is it too late? Is he too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part two of my story, this one is called "Higher" because of Shawn Mendes' song, I guess you'll soon figure out why... Writing this story has been such a joy and I hope you'll like it as well. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts on the story! Enjoy!

“The fuck you doin’ here, June?”  
“What the actual hell do you think you’re doing, Alex?  
“Excuse me?”  
“Pack your bags, dumbass.”  
Alex looks at her flustered  
“You heard me. Go!”  
“It better be a matter of life and death.”, Alex mutters as he turns around and grabs his suitcase from the cupboard in the hallway. Alex has learned not to question Junes demands when she’s got that manic look in her eyes.

Ten minutes later, June holds open the door to a black SUV for Alex. She gestures him to take the window seat.  
“So, are we going to Vegas?”, Alex asks jokingly.  
“No, we are not.”, a voice with a stingingly posh English comes out of the dark behind him.  
“Bea?”, Alex turns his head back in surprise.  
“Hello, Alex.”, Beas voice cracks almost unnoticeably as she says his name out loud.  
“Hey, dude.”, Nora greets from her seat just beside Beas.  
“Okayyyy. What the hell is going on? Is this some sort of conspiracy against me? Are you trying to kidnap me?”, Alex asks with a crooked smile.  
“You really are an idiot.”, June says as if she just had a revelation while she gets in after him, slamming the door.   
Nora reaches forward to hand him a steaming cup of coffee as the car pulls out of the parking lot.  
“Is it just me, or are being particularly rude today, Bug?”, Alex mumbles taking a swig of his coffee.   
“If you hadn’t been such an asshole and picked up the goddamn phone, I wouldn’t have had to fly out here to get your sorry ass out of bed. So basically, yes.”, June opens her bag, dumping its contents, a pile of shiny magazines, on the seat between them.   
“You have a bit of catching up to do.”  
He flinches.   
“I thought we’d established, that I can’t bear looking at that shit any more.”, he pushes back the stack of papers.   
“Oh pull yourself together, you little shit. For once in your life, it isn’t about you.”   
Conceding, Alex picks up a magazine with a sigh. After that he goes so quiet, one could almost hear his heart drop to the floor. 

Is it really over between Prince Henry and Alex Clairemont-Diaz?  
Prince Henry seen leaving club with a mystery blonde after FSOTUS-split.  
Royal scandal: Prince Henrys party crashed by police  
Burning bridges - Prince Henry drops out of charity organisation  
Stepping into his sisters footsteps: Is Henry the new Powder-Prince?  
Neo-Bad-Boy - What you need to know about Prince Henrys new life  
Risky business: Prince Henry involved in life-threatening accident going free climbing  
Dangerous Drug Drama at Kensington Palace  
The great escape? Prince Henry flees Rehab  
Sky-high: Prince Henry’s late night sky dive  
Prince Henry, is he trying to kill himself?

Sharply inhaling, Alex looks up. “Is he?!”, he asks, terror written across his face.   
Tears glitter in Bea’s eyes as she answers: “I think so.”   
“Why did nobody tell me while all of this”, he says waving the tabloids through the air, “was happening?!”  
“We tried to, Alex. But your hurt stopped you from listening.”, Nora says, her features soft.   
Suddenly, guilt rises in Alex. “Why? Why would he do any of that? That’s not the Henry I know.”, he swallows, “…used to know.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------

On the way to London, Bea tries to answer all of Alex’s questions.   
She tells him how Henry suddenly appeared on the doorstep of Kensington Palace, how he wouldn’t leave his room for a week straight. How Alex’s appearance at the Palace and him leaving, without having achieved anything, put an end to Henry’s grieving. Her happiness when she thought Henry was finally getting out of his rut, taking control of his life again. Her shock when she realised what Henry was actually doing. Cutting out all of his friends and loved ones. How she thought he was just partying a little more than usual at first. Until she recognised the signs. The sudden change in character, being rude to everyone. The time spent at night clubs, and the money gone from his bank account. How he seemed to gain more dangerous hobbies day by day. Surrounding himself with toxic people and calling them friends. How she talked him into rehab, driving him there herself, only to find him in a nightclub the same night. How he shut her out completely after that, never being home when she was, not returning her texts. His dramatic weight-loss, the blue-ish circles under the holes that bear his teary eyes. The red tip of his nose. His shaky hands and his bony fingers. Bones in general, clearly visible on his entire body. How he exchanged his usually well thought of appearance for -newly- loose fitting tees and ripped jeans.   
Until it finally dawned on her. The correlation between tabloid stories on Alex and Henry risking his life, one way or the other. Reports on Alex attending a college party - Henry blacking out at a nightclub. Rumours of Alex having a new girlfriend (not true, as Alex lets her know) - Henry crashing a royal car in a car race on a coastal highway near St.Tropez. Alex participating in the NYC pride parade - Henry skydiving in the dark, without any kind of guide or professional. How Henry would do crazy dangerous things every time Alex seemed to achieve something or do something positive. Those kind of news were like an on-button to Henrys misery.  
As Bea recounts all of those things, Alex can’t help but feel sick to his stomach. At first, he wonders how he could possibly have let all this get past him, but then he remembers him actively ignoring every tabloid there is. After a while, all he can think of is Henry, sitting at the piano, vulnerable and raw. He reaches to his chest, wrapping his hand firmly around the key and ring dangling from his neck. Home. But it isn’t anymore. Henry left, he left Alex without an explanation. Ever since that March day, Alex has felt hollow. Even though he tried everything to distract himself and to get over his stupid fucking broken heart, there was a hole that couldn’t be filled. Now he feels sick and numb. Henry. Fuck.   
He thinks about all of this as they hover over the dark English sky, before they break through the clouds and descend on London, the city beaming with Christmas lights. They depart the plane and make their way to the van waiting for them, shielded by a dozen of PPOs. In the car, they are greeted by Pez. Unlike his usual, funny air, he only shoots him a weak smile. He seems worn out and tired, a dark shadow on his face. They drive for half an hour at a speed that would probably be illegal everywhere else.   
“So, um, Bea”, Alex clears his way too tight throat, “why did you fetch me now? I mean, today’s as good a day as any, what’s changed?” He doesn’t dare to look up, already scared of the answer Bea’s going to give.   
“Henry. He…”,her voice breaks.   
“We always do Christmas in the country. Their father had a little cottage on the coast, where we would take refuge from the public eye. Well, we used to. He cancelled on us.”, Pez helps her out.   
“That’s not nothing he would ever do. Even when he’s… uhm you know.”, Bea half sobs. After that, they’re quiet again lost in their mutual worry and fear.  
What the fuck are you doing, Henry? - Alex thinks.


	3. Icarus - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Standing on the cliff face  
> Highest foe you'll ever grace  
> It scares me half to death  
> [...]  
> Icarus is flying too close to the sun  
> And Icarus's life, it has only just begun  
> This is how it feels to take a fall  
> Icarus is flying towards an early grave"
> 
> Tension builds up as the gang desperately try to find Henry and prevent him from doing the unspeakable. Alex' heart beat cannot be stopped while they find themselves in a race against time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a rather dramatic one and it features one of the key moments of the story. For this part, I've chosen Icarus by Bastille, aka the best band in the world. I really enjoy reading your thoughts, so please keep them coming! Enjoy!

Alex feels guilty. Not in a shit-I-stole-your-hairtie way. More in a shit-I-ruined-your-life way. He thinks about poor Henry, born with his heart on the outside of his body. The fragile boy he fell in love with, the man that walked out on him. And that’s when it clicks. Henry walked out on him, not the other way around. Suddenly, all the suppressed pain of a year of pretending he’s fine wells up in him. Pretending he’s fine for Henry. So that he wouldn’t feel bad for Alex, so he could get on with his life. Get over him. Even though Alex would never be able to get over Henry once and for all. He did everything he could, trying to take his life in his own hands. And from the outside, it actually seemed like he was doing okay. Like he was over Henry. But how could he be fine when his fucking heart was torn out of his chest, when he felt like he was a living shell, pretty on the outside but empty within. And it only now comes to him that the only reason he was feeling that way, or rather that he wasn’t feeling anything at all, could be traced back to one person: Henry. How dare he? How dare he leave him without any explanation? How dare he ignore him? How dare he throw away everything they’d built up over two years. How dare he lead Alex into a whole new world of love, only to abandon him there once they’d got comfortable? Thinking about it, Alex now realises, Henry ruined Alex’ whole entire fucking life.   
Bea’s words still ring in Alex’ ears. You’re not good for him. Bullshit. Henry’s the one who hurt him. He ruined him, showing Alex true love and making him unable to ever love anybody else. And now that bastard is trying to kill himself. As a last strike. To finish Alex off completely. To have him live with this immense burden for the rest of his life, to define it forever. Alex could have managed living without Henry. Well, maybe not living, but he would have survived. Barely. Anyway, that’s not the point. He would have been alright. Eventually. Maybe. But have Henry kill himself and live in a world without Henry? To not know that somewhere, across the Atlantic, a handsome British royal was living and breathing the very same air as him. To see the same sky. To exist at the same time as him. That, he can’t bear. Alright, you little fucker, that’s enough. He’s not going to let that happen, only over his dead body.  
When they arrive at the cottage, Bea jumps out of the van and runs to the house, all windows dark. Alex clenches his fists. On the drive here, Alex managed to get properly enraged, and he can’t wait to let Henry pay for it. But as he’s still deep into his thoughts, Bea returns, gasping.   
“He’s not here.”, she pants.  
Fear rises in Alex. He feels angry, furious at Henry’s stupidity, selfishness.  
“Shit!”, June says.  
“So what do we do now?”, Nora, always the strategist, asks.  
Bea swallows hard. “I think I know where he might be.”, her gaze goes to the dark shadow of a cliff hanging above them.   
“Fuck”, Alex breathes.  
The following series of events happen in a blur. Bea makes her way around the car and opens the door to the driver’s seat. Directed at the chauffeur, she commands: “Alright, make way!”. When he doesn’t react at first, she repeats: “Out! Now!”, the confused driver clears the front seat and Bea takes his place. She turns the keys around and presses her foot on the gas. The ride up to the cliff is bumpy. Alex is dead-scared and fuming at the same time. Suddenly, there’s a bump and the care comes to a halt. The inside of the car is dead silent.  
“Alright, we oughta run from here on!”  
“Holyyyy,”, Pez starts, his eyes fixed on something ahead of them, “look!”, he nods up at the tall, thin figure aiming at the edge of the cliff. The cold slaps Alex’ face as he gets out of the car and starts running towards the man’s outline. The wind howl as he sprints, but he doesn’t give a fuck. He only cares about the person at the edge, taking another step towards the end. He screams, but the winds carry his words away. He screams anyway. By now, Henry has only got two steps to go. Alex feels like he’s moving in slow motion, while Henry seems to be acting in light speed. For a second, Alex thinks he’s too late. He feels Henry slipping through his fingers.   
As Henry lifts his foot to take his final step, a hand grabs his wrist and pulls him back fiercely. Henry’s bewildered eyes meet Alex’, filled with horror. And all at once, Alex’ fear and anger overpower him and his fist lands violently in Henry’s left eye. Henry falls to the ground and drops his phone next to him. The screen lights up. Your Song.   
Fuck.


	4. Last Christmas - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A face on a lover with a fire in his heart  
> A man under cover but you tore me apart"
> 
> You’d think after saving Henry, everything would be alright. But Alex can‘t sleep or think straight with all this anger stuck up inside. And even worse, he can‘t get this tune out of his head. When an argument breaks out, Alex is forced to reflect on the things he desperately tried to ignore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this one, I've chosen the classic "Last Christmas" by Wham! because it's quite an essential part of this chapter. I've loved reading how involved some of you are in the story, nothing makes me happier! I know it hasn't been very uplifting so far, but rest assured, you're in for a treat (though not just yet!). Please please please keep commenting and enjoy!

Alex wakes up in the guestroom. He can’t think properly. “Last Christmas” keeps replaying in his head. Ever since he heard it last night, or rather this morning, he can’t get rid of it. The memories of the last twenty-four hours, though the last fifteen or so in particular, are all a big blur. His memories compose of a few individual pictures that stand out. June showing up at his doorstep in the middle of the night. Bea’s desperate face, the plea in her eyes. The clouds over London Town. A bumpy road. A human outline at the edge of a cliff. Sharp winds slapping his face. A punch. An Elton John song.   
He can’t remember a whole lot from the car ride back home. How did the others react to him punching Henry? Actually knocking him out. Like, he passed out after that. But how could his punch, which really wasn’t that forceful, knock Henry out just like that? Well, because he was high as the fucking sky, that’s why, Alex reminds himself.   
When they arrived back at the cottage, Alex retreated straight to a guest room. From what he’d seen, the cottage seemed quite nice. Grey stone, loads of carpets, walls lined with bookshelves, a few fireplaces. It looked a bit like the house from “The Holiday” but on a larger scale. Not at all what Alex had expected after knowing what Kensington Palace looks from the inside.  
Alright, enough. Alex is hungry. It’s time for breakfast. It’s been time for a few hours, actually. He glances at his watch. Twelve. He drags his tired body, even more tired that usually, down the stairs into the living room, or rather living room area, and walks into the open kitchen. Contrary to most nights, where he slept at least a few hours, he passed out on the couch, listening to a Radio 1 Live Lounge cover of “Last Christmas”. Just as he opens the fridge, he hears someone whispering behind his back. He turns his head to look at the table next to window.   
“What’s with all of your”, he asks grimly.  
“Morning to you too, sunshine.”, says Nora with a half grin.  
“How’re you?”, June asks tiredly.  
“Well thank you, beloved sister, splendid.”, Alex answers, frowning.  
“Why don’t you sit with us, Alex?”, Bea is gesturing to the empty chair beside hers. She looks worn out, as if she did not even shut an eye at all last night. For a minute, Alex feels sorry for her. She doesn’t deserve his anger. He shouldn’t let her pay for her brother being an ass. Come on Alex, pull yourself together. So he grabs his mug of coffee and comes to sit with them.  
“It’s a nice house…”, he tries for conversation on even ground.  
“Totally!”, June is quick to agree.  
Bea gives them an exhausted smile, but her eyes tell Alex that it’s sincere. She’s got her hair tied up in a messy bun and is wearing a loungewear set. The classy, expensive kind that's made of cashmere.  
“Thanks… uhm, it used to be dad’s.”, she explains.  
“Oh, I didn’t know that.”, Alex feels a pinch of guilt as he shoves a scone in his mouth.  
“No, it’s fine, I’ve only got good memories of this place… well, all but one…”, Bea mutters.  
Nora’s curious side can never be silenced. “Oh? What happened?”  
June drives her elbow into Nora’s side and shoots her a warning look. “Ouch! What?”, Nora gasps, then realises: “Oh, sorry…”, an apology in her eyes.  
“Well… it’s not got anything to do with dad. Wait- coming to think of it, actually, it does…”  
Pez, who’s been silent so far, places a comforting hand on Bea’s shoulder, as if to steady her shaky voice.  
“Look, Bea, you really don’t need to say this.”, Alex blurts into the silence, uncomfortably.  
“No, no…”, Bea sucks in some air, bracing herself, “You should know.”, obviously unobviously looking at Alex. “You reckon how I knew where he would be? It’s because yesterday wasn’t the first time. It wasn’t his first time trying this. He’s done it once before, after dad passed away. At that exact cliff. When the pain first properly got to him, when the realisation dropped all the way to the bottom. That’s when it happened. Something broke inside of him. And while it can be mended and made better and steadied, it can’t ever heal all together. Over the last few years, he’s managed rather well by shutting the world out, not letting anything get to him. In the fear of whatever ‘it’ would be tearing him apart. And then it happened. You happened.”, Alex pretends not to see that she glances directly at him. He doesn’t want to hear this, he can’t. “And you opened him, and strengthened him. Until… well, until you didn’t… You-“  
Alex jumps to his feet, knocking over the chair behind him.  
“For fuck’s sake, Bea, cut the crap!”, he raises his voice, “he hurt me too, you know?”, angry tears fill his eyes as he turns around and storms out of the room.

Alex is pacing ferociously, he can’t believe Bea is still blaming him. After everything. Her words from months ago still ring in his ears. He goes over the recent events in his head, making a list.  
1\. Henry kissed him.  
2\. Henry and Alex were doing alright.  
3\. Henry left him. Without an explanation.  
4\. Henry ignored him.  
5\. Everything went to SHIT.  
Alex can’t continue. He can’t concentrate while this fucking tune is stuck in his head. Last fucking Christmas. Well, it’s been two, actually. Two Christmases, or rather New Year’s Eves. But he did give Henry his heart. The entire fucking thing, all of it. Anyway, he won’t give it to anyone special this year. There’s only one special person and he’s already given his heart to that person and he refused it. Do you recognise me? No Henry, no I don’t! He can’t help but wonder whether there’s anything left of the boy he loved - loves - under all the drugs. A lover with a fire in his heart/A man under cover but you tore me apart. Where’s this fire in your heart now, H? Because you seem pretty much burnt out. And you fucking surely tore me apart. And yourself right alongside me. Why H? Why would you do that? Destroy us both. You asshole!


	5. Bad Blood - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did you have to do this?  
> I was thinking that you could be trusted  
> Did you have to ruin what was shining now it's all rusted  
> Did you have to hit me where  
> I'm weak, baby, I couldn't breathe  
> I rubbed it in so deep  
> Salt in the wound like you're laughing right at me"
> 
> Finally feeling like he‘s in control again, Alex leaves his room. But then there‘s Henry. And suddenly   
> Alex can‘t contain himself anymore and neither can Henry. In the heat of the Moment, both say and do things that can‘t be taken back easily...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exciting chapter ahead! In this one, Alex and Henry finally start communicating... well, sort of. As you can tell by the song I've chosen for today, Bad Blood by Taylor Swift, things are getting quite heated. But that's what happens when a love is worth fighting for, right? As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below! Enjoy!

He takes a glass and smashes it. Just for the satisfaction of breaking something other than himself. After sitting in the shards for a while, he pulls himself up. He really should apologise to Bea. She’s only hurting too. And anyway, he needs to clean up this mess.   
Alex returns to the kitchen, head tilted and ready to make up with at least one of the royal siblings. But as he enters the kitchen, all his good intentions fade out of him, when he sees Bea jokingly feeding Henry a piece of cookie, while June laughs at him good-naturedly. The scene drenched in golden afternoon light, sunlight glinting on Henry’s bare head. So picture perfect it makes him want to gag. So instead of “I’m sorry”, as he’d planned, the words that spill out of Alex’ mouth sound more like: “Lett’n yourself be treated like a prince, Royal Highness?”  
“What are you doing here?”, Henry deliberately doesn’t even turn around.  
For a moment, everything is quiet. As the tension in the room builds up, everybody’s awaiting Alex’s response.  
“What am I doing here? What the actual fuck are you doing, He-“, Alex stops himself from saying his name because he feels like his heart is being torn out all over again.  
“Alex, temper yourself!”, June shoots a warning look at Alex, gesturing at Henry’s constitution. But Alex doesn’t want to see it. He has felt bad long enough. He’s too worn out to care. He needs to get this off his chest. And anyway, why does no one ever care about him, about his constitution? Sure, he isn’t as dramatic so as to try to kill himself, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t just as broken on the inside. Henry clenches his fists. June notices and turns to the others: “Guys, why don’t we give those two a bit of space?” As if on the run, the others flee the room. Alex knows they’ll be right outside the door, their ears pressed against it. Again, he doesn’t give a fuck. Because suddenly, they are alone. Alone together. Just the two of them. For the first in moths. The perfect situation for Alex to finally choke Henry. He’s waited long enough. For a moment, uncomfortable silence stretches between them, before Henry finally turns to face Alex. Well, a shadow of him, anyway.   
“Honestly, what are you doing here? All of this,” he gestures at his surroundings,”is none of your business. Quite like you to put your nose wherever it doesn’t belong. You shouldn’t have come.”, Henry’s voice is cold. Alex doesn’t recognise it.  
“Well, it’s quite like you to turn the whole fucking world upside down and assume it’s not going to affect the people around you!”, Alex voice is raised, but he tries his best not to shout.  
“You know what’s funny, Alex?,” Alex shudders as he hears his name, “You aren’t really around me at all, though, are you?”, Henry sounds perfectly neutral as he speaks.  
“Don’t!”, Alex blurts out “Don’t you dare blame any of your bullshit on me! I’m not the one who messed up.”  
“Right, I forgot, I’m sorry.”, Henry sounds almost amused and heavily sarcastic, “It was definitely not you who broke us up.”  
“What the fucking hell are you talking about? I mean I know you’re, like, super high, but I didn’t know you also hallucinate.”, it comes out harshly. Henry flinches and looks away. Alex knows what he just said was a low blow, but also, he totally meant it. He wants Henry to flinch. He wants him to feel really, really shitty. Maybe that’ll bring him back.  
“Oh, right, so I must’ve imagined you walking ‘round, kissing other men, ditching and replacing me?”  
“Excuse me?! All drugged up, aren’t you?”  
“Oh come on, stop pretending. There’s nothing left for you to ruin here by lying. Do you really think I was that thick so as not to notice what you were doing? Or did you just expect me to sit around waiting for you while you were partying with your uni friends and fucking your way around New York? For you to graciously take pity on me again? To notice me again? Newsflash: the world doesn’t revolve around you!”  
“Fuck you! Lying about what?! What are you talking about? The only thing I did was be with you or think about being with you. Until you just packed your bags and left.” Alex is quiet for a moment. Then, somethings dawns on him. “You! You fucking used me! Thought I’d be your stepping stone on your way to being openly gay, that you could drop as soon as you were done with me, didn’t you?”  
“I’m sorry, I think I missed something - you betrayed me, you betrayed us! Did you actually think you could kiss the guy in public and not have me find out?”  
“I am so not following the crap that comes out of your mouth.”, Alex finds himself in a truly rare state for him; speechless.  
“It must be hard to keep track of your countless flings, I do understand that.”  
“What?”  
“Well, let me refresh your memory; how about the guy you were smooching the day I left? Coming to think of it,” Henry says and slowly rises out of his chair, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “Me finding out about your affairs must’ve actually been to your advantage. Having me play the bad guy to kickstart your perfect new life was probably the best thing to happen to you, right?”  
Suddenly, Alex remembers. He remembers a fellow student pressing him against a wall in the library. Kissing him, against Alex’ will. His shock when he pushed him away. The guilt he felt on his way home that day. How all of the guilt vanished just as Henry did so, too. Replaced by emptiness. For a minute, that guilt threatens to make a return in Alex head, but then he realises something.  
“You fucking idiot! I never cheated on you! This one guy sexually harassed me! He was my stalker, you shithead! So you saw! And it didn’t cross your mind to ask me about it, did it? Did you have that little faith in me, to think I’d cheat on you? Did you not think twice about what you saw?”  
“Well, Alex. No, actually. First of all, why did you not talk to me about having a bloody stalker? Did you have that little faith in me? And, secondly, you were always gone! You never took time for me, for us! What was I supposed to think?”  
“I was fucking embarrassed, Henry!”, now it’s done. He’s said it. He’s spoken the word he spent the last months wondering if it’d ever cross his lips again. Yet, here he is. His name feels strangely familiar. “And I was scared that it’d frighten you! That it’d make you take back all the decisions you made. Regarding your life. Regarding our life. That you’d wanna flee the life we built together, that you’d throw it all away!”, in all of his anger, Alex feels his eyes watering. No, this isn’t happening. This is so not happening. He’s got to keep his cool, just like Henry’s doing.  
“Well I guess it worked the charm! Your fucking secrecy drove us apart, how’s that for having faith? But you didn’t mind, now, did you? Dove head first into your fairytale of New York. What exactly are you aiming at? American Prince Charming? Or rather yoga teacher turned gay icon?”  
“Just because I didn’t become a junkie, doesn’t mean I wasn’t hurting, Henry. You fucking left!”  
“You didn’t try to stop me, though, did you?”  
“You know very well I did, asshole! But you know what? I’ve had enough of your bullshit! Kill yourself all you want, I’m done!”, Alex’ words are a blur as his hand moves to his throat and he feels a sharp pain when the thin chain digs into his neck just before it, as well as the key and the ring on it, land on the floor before Henry’s feet. “There,” Alex thinks, “have it all.”  
He make his way to door and kicks it open, hitting Pez’s forehead hard. He storms out into the hallway and aims straight for the front door, throwing it open. Distantly, the others seem to be yelling his name, but he chooses to ignore them. Or he does so until he realises why they did so. He grabbed the car keys on his way out but as he tries to unlock the car, he registers over three feet of snow on the ground. They are completely snowed in. As he raises his head to face the sky, all he can see is white. Great, he thinks. Fucking amazing.


	6. Monster - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was 15 when the world put me on a pedestal  
> I had big dreams of doin' shows and making memories  
> Made some bad moves trying to act cool, upset by their jealousy  
> Lifting me up, lifting me up   
> And tearing me down, tearing me down   
> I'll take responsibility for everything I've done  
> Holding it against me like you're the holy one"
> 
> Henry finally gets to share his point of view while Alex makes a surprising discovery that puts Henry into an entirely different light...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in this chapter, we finally learn what's actually going on within Henry. I feel like Monster by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber describes his situation quite well... What do you think about the story so far? Let me know below! Enjoy!

Meanwhile, Henry has retaken his seat at the kitchen table. For a moment, he just tries to breathe. He’s not used to standing for so long, at least not while he’s sober or not drunk on adrenaline. He’s not used to his feelings being connected to his actions or his words. It feels strange. It feels like his body is waking up from a long sleep. Like he’s been unconscious, artificially being kept alive. Well, in a way, he has. But the real world, that’s another thing, it’s exhausting. Suddenly, all the feelings he’s been suppressing rush back into his body, his mind. He feels like that load might knock him out. He takes another deep breath, trying to steady his heartbeat. He thinks about himself on the cliff, the evening before. He thinks about being ready to take that last step, to call it quits. He remembers his heart being calm again for the first time in months. Today, it’s back to normal, it’s racing as it has been over the last few months. But today, it’s pumping life through his veins. He feels the blood pulsing. Finally. Somehow, after everything, Alex still manages to light a fire in Henry. But today, he doesn’t feel burnt out. He feels alive.   
As if on cue, Bea and Pez rush to his side.   
“So… how’d it go?”, Pez asks, cautiously.  
“As if you didn’t listen to my every word.”, Henry replies.  
“Not too well, then?”, Bea sounds concerned as she kneels down beside him, putting her hands on his knees.  
“He didn’t betray me after all…”, Henry says more to himself than anybody else.  
“See, I told you he wouldn’t do something like that!”, Pez sounds triumphant.  
“How could you’ve known, though? It wasn’t your fault.”, Bea adds protectively.  
“Well…”, Henry is silent for a moment before he continues concedingly, “I could’ve asked, couldn’t I?” After another pause, he looks at Bea properly for the first time in a long time. He sees the dark shadows under her eyes and the worried look on her face.   
“I’m sorry.”, he puts his hand on Bea’s and squeezes it lightly. “I think… I may have been… Sort of, well, an arse. To you too.”,  
“You think?”, Pez chuckles, relieved by Henry’s revelation. He glances at Bea and they exchange a look of mutual understanding. The worst is over.  
“Being sober and all does have a clearing effect on your mind. Kind of refreshing.”, Henry gives them a weak smile.  
“Well, you look rubbish.”, Bea winks at him. She knows Henry is having a hard time being off the drugs and the alcohol, but it’s the first thing she made sure he’d do once they returned from the cliff. No more drinking, no more drugging.  
“In all seriousness, though”, Bea continues as tears well up in her eyes, “at some point we’ll have to talk about…”, she hesitates, “this whole… situation.”  
“Yeah, pal, I mean, how could you even consider doing this?”, Pez wants to carry on talking, but Henry cuts him off.  
“It’s not what you think.”  
“Oh, right, because you were just, what, casually pretending to end it?”, Bea’s voice breaks.  
“I know how it must look. But that really wasn’t it. Well, at least not what I intended.”  
“So, what was your intention, then?”, Pez asks.  
“Well… You know how dad jumped off that cliff in one of his movies?”, Henry tilts his head to face Bea who looks at him cluelessly, “It’s not like I was actively trying to kill myself,” Bea flinches, “Rather the opposite, actually. These last few months, I’ve been chasing a rush, whether that be from adrenaline or drugs.”  
“You’re insane, dude.”, Pez seems puzzled.  
“I know that now”, Henry chuckles lightly, “Well, at least that’s what I like to tell myself. So, I was high and I thought that I might, you know”, he blushes with embarrassment, “survive the jump. Just like dad did.”, his eyes search for understanding in Bea’s.  
“You do know that you could have died, don’t you?”, Bea tests him.  
“Yeah, I guess I was aware of that, somewhere at the back of my mind. I just didn’t care if that had happened. The thing is… those times… when I was high on adrenaline or drugs… those where the only moments where I felt like I was alive. Where I felt anything, actually. Apart from that, I was numb. It felt like I didn’t have a heart in me. Anymore.”, he swallows, “I felt, or I feel, like a hollow shell of a human. Like my soul was dead inside my living body. So I felt like another second of feeling alive would have been worth dying for.”  
“Wow, you’re seriously messed up.”, Pez can’t help but mutter which has Bea giving him a punishing look.  
“Also, I sort of felt like… like nobody would miss me if I were gone. I was such an arse to you two.”, he shoots them apologetic glances, “And I pushed you away. I was unfair to you. And to Alex.”  
Bea gets up from the floor and pulls Henry into a tight hug. “Oh Henry, you idiot…”, she sighs.

————————————————

Mindlessly, Alex shuts the door behind him and stomps back into the cottage. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but he knows he’s running from them. The last thing he wants now is company. He stumbles into a room and slams the door shut. He sinks to this knees, his back to the door, and catches his breath. Fighting is fucking exhausting. Crying is, too. He doesn’t know if it is minutes or hours that pass as he sits on the carpet, staring at the ground. Over the time he’s sat here, various people knock on the dark wood of the door, but he stays silent and the others know not to knock again. Finally, he wipes away the remains of the tears that froze halfway down his cheeks. Then, he looks around. He notices that all walls but one are lined with bookshelves and figures he must have barricaded himself in the library. He steadies himself on the door as he gets up from the floor. He strides around the room, finding consolation in the amounts of ancient books that are kept in alphabetical order. The smell is familiar and Alex wonders what it reminds him of. Then he remembers. The old books, the heavy carpet and the chilly breeze of fresh air, let in by a window he tilted some time ago, remind him of Henry. Of how he used to smell like, unfiltered, without his cologne on. His eyes lock on a newspaper on a desk by the window. Le Monde, the edition Henry used to have on his bedside table. It used to make him feel warm and fuzzy, now he shivers. Still, he can’t help but pick it up. His fingers trace the date at the top of the front page, when something papery suddenly hits the carpet. He bends to pick it up.   
Alex.  
He has to sit down when he sees the handwriting on the envelope. For a minute, he just sits there, tiling the paper in his fingers, examining it from every side. In his head, he’s debating heavily. Should he or should he not open it? Theoretically, it is addressed to him. But Alex is not sure if he wants to read what’s inside of the envelope. He isn’t sure whether he can bear what’s put to paper. But then again, he’s always been too curious for his own good. Sighing, he reaches for a letter opener and gently tears open the envelope.

A-  
This letter has been a long time coming. Actually, this letter has been coming ever since I left New York. I don’t know what is going to happen after today, I do not want to be remembered as a liar. For a while, I was hurt. But I have learnt to live - or not to - with the pain you infused. However, I do not blame you for my misery, it was not your fault. I do not want you to feel bad if anything goes wrong. Regardless of how it ended, I want you to know that I do not regret anything. For you revived me, if only for a little while. Without you, I could as well not have lived at all. Now that you are gone, I feel even emptier than I did before and I never wanted to go back to how it was before. Alex, I cannot bear another day on this earth without you. I have tried. But I am tired. Tired of pretending, of distracting myself. I am tired of life. As I am sure this letter will be analysed, maybe even published, over and over again, you will excuse me, if I cannot put everything you mean to me into words. Just know that I am selfish and ask of you what I cannot bear: live without me. Live life to the fullest. Live for the both of us. Be happy. Love, you deserve it. From here on, I will leave what I have to say to history.

“I don’t ask you to love me always like this, but I ask you to remember. Somewhere inside of me there will always be the person I am tonight.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald. (As in: the person who loves you, not the drugged up fool I’ve grown to become)

“What longing in tears for you - You - my Life - my All - farewell. Oh, go on loving me - never doubt the faithful lest heart  
Of your beloved “

H (I did alter that a bit!)

“Ever thine.  
Ever mine.  
Ever ours.”  
\- Ludwig van Beethoven.


	7. Half Light - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It makes me feel nervous  
> You have that look in your eye  
> Oh, what takes over?  
> What is it that holds you tight?  
> ...  
> And can you shake it off?  
> Oh, can you shake it off for me?  
> When you're in the half light  
> I don't like the half I see"
> 
> Alex finds himself in the aftermath of the fight and now what he just read. In short, he‘s in shambles. Lost in his thoughts, he runs into the very last person he expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this, quieter chapter, I've chosen Half Light by BANNERS and you'll soon find out why. Alex and Henry have been through a lot, and it's finally starting to pay off... so, enjoy and share your thoughts!

If Alex was crying before, his current state can only be described as that of a waterfall. This whole situation was emotionally draining enough before this crappy letter. He is fucking trapped in this painfully idyllic cottage, with his friends, and if it weren’t for Henry, it would be pretty nice. But Henry is fucking up the entire thing. It wasn’t great before, with him being mad at Henry and all. But it’s even worse now, with him having some seriously mixed feelings about him. Alex can’t think straight. He must do something, otherwise he might blow up. So he slips out of the library quietly and returns to his room. Then he decides to do the one thing that’s helped him over the last few months and rolls out his mat. Throughout his practice, he tries to make sense of his feelings towards Henry. He thinks about the aloof, seemingly cocky, Henry. Henry, his fake turnt real best friend, who he could rely on at any time of the day. Henry, the boy who kissed him and sparked fireworks in him that made him forget about the actual fireworks around him. Henry, his secret lover, a vulnerable, humorous prince. Henry, the first openly gay royal of England, who stood up to his queen. Henry, his boyfriend, his room mate, his home. Henry, who left him and took all the warmth out of Alex’ life with him. Henry, the bad boy from the tabloids. Henry, at the cliff, ready to jump. Henry, who blamed all his bad decisions on Alex. Henry, the boy who dedicated his very last letter to Alex, who managed to forgive Alex in spite of being sky high and drowning in sadness. Who wrote exactly like he used to. Who still loved him. After everything he thought to be true.  
And through his contemplation, Alex managed to merge all those Henrys into one. Henry, his Henry. Shit. Holy fucking shit. Jesus fucking Christ.   
Alright. Alex’ mind is made up. He can’t live without Henry. And Henry obviously can’t do so either. But they don’t work well together. They’re stars. They shine as long as they are apart, but once they collide, they explode, destroying each other and everything around them. But Alex knows that in his solar system, Henry is the sun, and there is no life without his light. And he knows this to be true for Henry as well. So Alex must find a way to keep his distance while still being somewhere in Henry’s universe. He must resist the draw, no matter how strong. 

————————

When he’s done with his yoga practice, he experiences the first feeling he doesn’t push away immediately. Hunger. Alex is starving, he hasn’t eaten all day. Judging from the darkness surrounding him, it must be well after dinner time, so he might as well grab something to eat from the kitchen. Without running into someone, that is.   
He opens the freezer and reaches for something he’s sure will be there. He unwraps the Cornetto and leans against the kitchen counter. He bites off the chocolate-y bits first. Suddenly, he hears steps from the hallway. Then, a shadow appears in the doorframe. The outline of a tall, skinny body. Henry. He feels a pull. A temptation to do something, to say something. To imply he’s read the letter. He wants to make him better, but he’s also still a tiny bit mad at him. And he knows he has to stay away from him for Henry to live. Yet, he can’t resist a comment.  
“Wouldn’t have thought you eat anything at all.”, Alex is playing it safe. A tiny tease, on neutral ground. A bit like they used to.  
Henry doesn’t react, so Alex looks away. Just like he plans on doing every time they meet in the future, not allowing any sparks to escape their gazes. Alex makes for the door, though he can’t help but move forward in super slow-motion.   
“You punched me”, Henry’s voice cuts through the dark.  
Alex turns to see Henry facing the freezer. For a second, he doesn’t do anything at all, then, finally, he clears his throat.  
“You tried to kill me.”  
That has Henry turning around. His face is dimly lit by the light coming from the freezer. Alex knows that gaze well, and still he has difficulties recognising the old Henry. His hollow cheeks and the dark shadows expose his tired eyes.  
“If anything, I tried to kill myself.”, as Henry replies, all the hate Alex heard in his voice before has left to make way for a calmer, sadder tone. Still, Henry states this with a hint of his usual confidence. He won’t apologise for being himself, no matter how that may look like.   
When Alex answers, ache fills his voice.“Do you honestly think I could live without you?”, Alex turns around, knowing he’d regret it if he stayed.


	8. 'tis the damn season - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass  
> But I felt it when I passed you  
> There's an ache in you put there by the ache in me  
> But if it's all the same to you  
> It's the same to me
> 
> So we could call it even  
> You could call me babe for the weekend  
> 'Tis the damn season"
> 
> After the drama of the last months and days there, peace and quiet finally return into their lives. But Alex won’t let himself enjoy it and Henry can’t, his body and mind working against him. For him, there’s only one cure...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is named after Taylor Swift's 'tis the damn season, for obvious reasons, though the biggest one was probably the sentence "you could call me babe for the weekend". Let me know what you think of this chapter, especially considering it isn't as dramatic as the previous ones... Enjoy!

“Pass me the forks, will you?”, June asks Pez.  
“Everything for you, gorgeous.”, Pez makes an exaggerated gesture as he hands her the cutlery.   
“Stop it, the two of you.”, Alex murmurs as he folds the napkins.  
They are setting the table for dinner, while the others decorate the tree a few metres away. If you didn’t know better, you might mistake the scene for an ordinary evening before Christmas Eve among friends and family. Alex feels anxious. Barely a few metres to his left, Henry is putting ornaments on the tall tree. He’s in charge of the top third. Naturally. He’s wearing a red knitted jumper that hangs loosely from his body. Alex notices Henry’s shaky hands as he extracts the glass bowls from a box on the floor, but his face looks peaceful. Bea is humming while Nora shamelessly sings along to “Rockin’ around the Christmas tree”. Alex smiles, but he doesn’t let himself enjoy the moment as much as he’d like to. It all seems so normal. But the thing is, it isn’t. If he dropped his guard, he would give in to the temptation of walking up to Henry, striking up a conversation. Bad idea, he tells himself. Very bad idea.   
When they’re done setting the table, Bea and Pez carry out trays loaded with food from the kitchen. Alex can’t help but grin when he sees the frozen pizza on the posh silverware. Pez pours himself a glass of red wine and fills up Nora’s glass as well. The others stick to Coke and water, respectful towards Henry, who is sitting at the very end of the table. June couldn’t have possibly sat more people between the two of them and even though that stings, Alex knows it’s for the better. Alex tries to join in the conversation but he still finds himself stealing glances at Henry. Only to make sure he’s still there, still breathing. At least that’s what he tells himself. Henry is silent all evening. Except for the moment he excuses himself and heads for bed. 

Alex stays with the rest for another thirty minutes before he sneaks out of the room as well. At first he thought he could bear Henry looking shit without having to check up on him. Well, turns out, he can’t. Though in his mind, he’s just really, really tired. So when he returns to the hallway, he pretends to be surprised and definitely not a little bit happy to find Henry’s door opened ajar. He’s very aware that he definitely should not be heading towards it, but somehow, his body just naturally gravitates towards it. And Alex definitely can’t deny nature it’s force now, can he? And what’s the harm, if no one’s ever going to know. When he reaches the door, he allows himself his first glance through the gap.  
He immediately regrets his decision. For selfish reasons. He doesn’t want to see, to accept, what he’s currently facing. A thin body, laying on the bed, his back bent away from Alex. He only sees the tips of Henry’s spine, like spikes, sticking out of his paper-white skin in the half light. Then, Henry turns onto his back. Alex inhales sharply. It’s not like he hasn’t seen the state Henry’s in before, but somehow, his condition hits Alex right at that moment for the first time. He doesn’t like what he’s seeing. Henry looks like a shadow of himself. His eyes are closed, but the mould they lie in is deep and dark. The sharp cheek bones that used to trace with his finger tips are over-exposed now, almost tearing the skin on his face apart. His lips are dry, broken at multiple places. And his hair. Well, that’s what makes Alex heart ache the most. The golden locks, gone, replaced by short stubble. Right, Alex reminds himself swallowing, buzzcut season. As if to check, he runs his hand through his hair, which is, contrary to Henry’s, much longer than it used to be when they were… well, you know. Time to leave. This was a bad idea. Just as he turns to go, Henry starts to rock around, his body shaking.   
“No, no, no!”, Henry pleads quietly. He flinches.  
Alright, this is too much. Alex is done standing around uselessly. Staying away is one thing, but he can’t leave knowing Henry is in pain. Anyway, it’s not like his feet are leaving him any choice. He’s sat at the edge of Henry’s bed before he realises it. Cautiously, he puts his palm on Henry’s calf and starts moving it up and down. It’s an awkward movement, but Henry seems to be calming down. However, after a few minutes, Henry is still twitching. Alex only knows one thing in his power that might bring Henry some relief.  
“Shhh baby, it’ll be alright.”, he whispers, and just as he says ‘baby’, Henry’s features soften. Alex´ heart breaks and leaps at the same time.


	9. Long Story Short - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And I fell from the pedestal  
> Right down the rabbit hole  
> Long story short, it was a bad time  
> Pushed from the precipice  
> Climbed right back up the cliff  
> Long story short, I survived
> 
> Now I'm all about you"
> 
> Christmas is drawing closer and Alex and Henry finally can finally attempt to clear the air between the two of them. Later, they are even paired together on game night. But will they work as a team or can they no longer function together?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesss it's Taylor Swift again, I'm sorry! But this song just fits too perfectly... As always, leave a comment and enjoy!

It’s the morning of Christmas Eve, and the snow storm has finally ceased, the sky bright blue. The snow is still tall in front of the windows, but it doesn’t bother Alex as much as it used to. He’s not so desperate to leave anymore. Christmas in the English countryside, other people would pay a lot of money to spend the holidays this way. Though this isn’t the whole reason he wants to stay… But, whatever, you know. Alex needs to clear his head and some rays of sun won’t hurt either. On his way out, he grabs his coat and a blanket. He makes his way down the path Pez had shovelled earlier with June. At the very end of it is a bench, overlooking the snowy coastline. Having made some bad memories concerning the cliffs, Alex is hesitant to enjoy the view, but he manages to acknowledge their beauty. He opens his book where he’d left off and snuggles into his blanket. He tries to concentrate, but the brightness of the sun blinds him and his mind is occupied otherwise. His thoughts keep circling back to the past night. He replays his memories over and over, Henry rocking side to side in his bed, relaxing under his touch. After a few frustrating minutes, he shuts the book close with a sigh. He’s starting to find the mixture of smells irritating. The breeze of the ocean and the scent of fresh snow don’t fit together in his head. Then he senses something else, and before he figures out what that might be, he hears the snow crunching under someone’s weight. He doesn’t turn around.

“Is this seat taken?”, Henry gestures to the space next to Alex, to cups of coffee in his hands. His nose and ears are red from the cold, and he’s got a scarf wrapped around his neck but he’s not wearing a coat.  
“What do you want?”, Alex hears himself say, much more forceful than intended.  
“I come in peace.”, he lifts his hands in defence and doesn’t wait for Alex to allow him to take a seat. Silently, he puts one of the steaming mugs between him and Alex, who doesn’t move and continues staring into the distance.  
After a while, Henry shifts uncomfortably and clears his throat; “This is for you.”  
Internally, Alex is melting like the snow in the sun, but he knows to keep his distance. “Thought so.”, is all he allows himself to say.  
Henry shivers and Alex would die to give Henry a part of his blanket, but he just cannot. Then, he starts talking again. “I, uhm… So, I take it you’ve found my letter? I saw it lying in the library, opened.”  
“I did.”  
“I, well, I think I’ve got some… like, explaining to do?”, Henry sounds unsure, then adds; “If you’ll listen, that is…”  
When Alex doesn’t react but doesn’t move or leave either, Henry takes it as a yes. He tells Alex about the day he found Alex with the other guy and describes his insecurities kicking in. That he’s been so worried about losing Alex, he thought it for the better to make the first move. He goes on about the life he’s led in the months apart, about the numbness in his body and his mind. Why he’d initially turned to drugs and how he didn’t care what the press, or anyone, for that matter, thought of him. Because the one person he would’ve wanted to know was out of reach. He recounts losing control, how he stopped taking advantage of his newfound bad habits and them starting to take advantage of him. He also mentions not actually wanting to kill himself, which takes a while to sink in for Alex. Over the course of his explanation, Henry keeps glancing over at Alex insecurely, but Alex continues to stare at the sea. It is Alex turn to shiver, though not due to the temperatures. He has been aware of some of what Henry’s just told him, but the picture of lonely, hurt Henry is starting to kill him slowly. It hurts. And that’s when he realises why that’s the case. He realises that just beside him, on this very bench, sits a part of him. A part which has been lost to him the last few months. A void he’s tried to fill, a space he’s told him over and over again isn’t empty. Alex turns his head and looks at his living, breathing heart for the first time in ages. There it’s sitting, Henry, his nose red, the fine cheekbones exposed to the cold air. Golden stumps glittering in the sun. Finally, Alex takes a heart. He grabs the cup from the bench and holds out a part of the blanket to Henry. Henry’s eyes lift to look into his, a question in them; may I? Alex nods almost unnoticeably. As Henry moves a tiny bit into Alex’ space, both of them flinch a little, as if someone poured salt into their not healing wounds. Henry reaches for his end of the blanket, and the tips of their fingers touch. Sparks fly, and suddenly Alex is wide awake again. He pulls back his hand as if he’d burnt himself. Don’t get too close, he scolds himself, but he stays put. For a while, the two of them sit there in silence, glancing at the water, puffing clouds into the cold air as they breathe. To Alex, this seems like the most ordinary yet most exceptional thing he’s done in months.

“So, I was thinking I might try to get a turkey from the farm as soon as we can get the car out of the snow. It’s Christmas after all, and I don’t plan on having frozen pizza for lunch tomorrow.”, Bea says to no one on particular. They are all in the living room area. June and Pez on the sofa, their limbs intertwined, Nora and Alex sat at the table, discussing the current events. Henry is curled up into a chair by the fire. Trying to sober up has him cold and shaking all the time. Now he shifts and mutters: “As long as we don’t have to name them and they’re not kept in my room, I hear they’re terrifying…”  
From the other side of the room, Alex lets out a soft laugh, sharing it with Henry only. When Alex shoots Henry a quick look, he discovers a glint, if small, in his eyes. Welcome back, he thinks and it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy. Then he shakes. No, you will not show feelings towards Henry. He is better off without you getting too involved, Alex reminds himself.  
However, Bea seems to have noticed the shift in dynamic because that evening, she pairs Alex and Henry together for game night. Well, on paper, they were the only two left, but that’s nothing more than a technicality. June has found Activity in one of the bedrooms and has set it up on the dining table. She looks at Pez conspiringly; “We need to crush this!”  
“Oh, my dear, we are indeed going to crush this!”, Pez laughs surely, and though Alex is beyond happy for the two of them and their easy relationship, he can’t help but feel envious.  
“Nope,” Nora chimes in, “not gonna happen. You ain’t got nothing on us, right, Bea?”  
“Well said, Nora!”, Bea seems just as ambitious as June.  
Alex says nothing. Henry, who has taken the seat next to him, stays silent as well, though he does give Alex a weak smile every once in a while. Alex can’t tell how this will go. Either very well or really fucking bad.  
He watches as Bea gestures wildly to make Nora understand the word toilet seat and they all break out into laughter and for the first time in a long time, Alex feels truly happy. When it’s their turn, Henry pulls an explanation card. He gets up shyly and takes his position in front of the group. He feels obviously uncomfortable in the lime light.   
“So…”, Henry starts.  
“Time’s running!”, June reminds him.  
“This is an event, which the whole world is excited for…”, Henry continues.  
Alex looks clueless at first, then he yells: “Superbowl!”  
“What?”, Pez looks shocked, “Dude, no one except for like three Americans watches that!”  
Alex is agitated and Henry looks helpless. Then he takes a deep inhale.  
“Oh, for God’s sake,” Henry throws his hands into the air, “It’s where we first met.”  
“The Olympics!”, Alex shouts immediately and relieve spreads all over Henry’s face.  
“Yes!”, he breathes out, and out of reflex, holds out his hand to meet Alex’ in the air.   
“Hell yeah, baby!”, it’s slips out of Alex’ mouth before he can stop it.   
At first, the corners of Henry’s mouth twitch, then the rest of the room falls silent.   
Shit. You just can’t pull yourself together, can you?


	10. OK - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey, I'm not okay, but I'm better than I was  
> Say, it's been some day and we're finally in the sun  
> Stay long till it's late and the colours we become  
> Hang, lingering and fade, in some time it comes back up  
> It's so bright now that you've come  
> And you're finally in the sun"
> 
> After the events of the evening, Alex‘ thoughts are spinning too fast to sleep. So instead of tossing around all night, he decides to get up. But he‘s not alone with this idea...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Taylor Swift today! These lyrics are from the song OK by Canyon City. This is the tenth chapter, and we're slowly but surely approaching the end... but don't worry, we're not there just yet! As always, let me know your thoughts and enjoy!

After the expression slipped Alex’ lips, and everyone is quiet for a moment, June picks up the conversation and pretends that nothing happened. Alex and Henry keep playing as a team, even end up winning, but the tension never leaves the room. When the game is finished, they all return to their rooms and Alex gets ready to go to bed. Apart from that one incident, Alex’s had quite a nice Christmas Eve. Strange, unconventional, but nice. Still, his soul cannot find rest after he’s closed his eyes. It keeps trailing back to the moment he saw Henry smiling for a split second. The warmth in his chest that followed it. He turns from his stomach onto his back and sighs. He opens his eyes and stares at the dark ceiling. Either he’s taking some sleep pills or he’s getting up again. He’s used to insomnia, but not the kind where his thoughts keep spinning so hard he fears he might be sick. Taking a deep breath, he swings his legs to one side of the bed and contemplates what to do next. The room suddenly feels too small, he must get out. He remembers what his mother used to do when he couldn’t sleep. He makes his way to the kitchen and opens the fridge. He pours milk into a cup and stirs in a generous spoonful of honey before he puts it into the microwave. Steaming mug in one hand, he grabs the tv remote from the coffee table and pushes on. It’s playing the Grinch. Alright, he thinks, I’ll go with it. It is Christmas, after all. For a while, he sits in silence. He’s pressed into one corner, huddled in the only blanket in the living area. Suddenly, Alex hears steps from behind him, tapping in the darkness.  
“Oh…”, Henry sounds truly apologetic, “I’ll… um… I’ll leave.”  
Alex turns his head. Henry is wearing striped pyjama bottoms and a blue knitted jumper, his back already half turned away.  
Alex clears his throat. “Um, no”, he starts, “it’s fine, it’s not like we can’t be in the same room together, right?”  
Henry chuckles awkwardly, then he gestures to the space next to Alex on the couch. “Would you mind?”  
Right then, Alex is glad that he’s sitting at the very edge of the couch. He shakes his head and Henry takes a seat. He’s clearly got the memo as well, because he sits as far off from Alex as possible. They sit there, eyes focused on the movie. Alex hears Henry shivering. He shoves some of the blanket in Henry’s direction, very intentionally not looking his way. Unfortunately, it’s still too far out of Henry’s reach. So, as low-key as possible, he moves closer to him until Henry, also seemingly entranced by the Christmas classic, can take a bit of the blanket to cover his legs. The movie continues and for whatever strange reason, Alex’ thoughts are comforted by Henry’s presence, and he grows more and more tired. Apparently, so does Henry, because Alex watches his eyelids get heavier and heavier as the Grinch goes on. Finally, Alex drifts off to sleep.

Birds chirp as the morning sun starts to rise over the ocean. As the first rays stroke his cheeks, Alex lifts his head confused, trying to register his surroundings. His eyes manically flicker, he cannot tell where he is. With growing consciousness, he starts to realise what is happening. Or rather, what has happened. He notices a weight on his lap and almost jumps in surprise when he lowers his gaze. Henry’s head. Henry’s fucking head with Henry’s fucking beautiful face sleeping fucking peacefully in his fucking lap. Holy shit. Alright, Alex, calm down. You are dressed, Henry is dressed. He’s just sleeping on you. Oh my god. He’s sleeping on me. Alex tries to steady his racing heartbeat, but he tries to move as little as possible so as not to wake Henry. Alex knows this is not part of his plan, of staying away from Henry. But also, this is good for Henry’s health, right? Sleeping is always good for your health. And it’s not like he purposefully tried to seduce Henry into sleeping on him. Though Alex surely doesn’t mind. He’ll just watch Henry for a few more moments, then he’ll carefully lift Henry’s head, get up, and pretend this never happened. No harm in that. This doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t have to, at least. He looks at Henry’s profile, the fine nose, the sharp jawline and long lashes. Sleeping, turned to his side, he doesn’t look so different to the Henry he knew at all. His Henry. Nope, Alex, you’re not doing this. And you are definitely not going to touch him. That would be pretty darn irresponsible and immature. It’s not like you can’t control your urges, right, Alex? However, Alex is seemingly not able to resist the pull. He lifts his hand, hesitantly, at first. He guides it to Henry’s head und lowers it. The tips of his fingers trace Henry’s hairline, stubbles pressing against them. If only Henry weren’t a fucking work of art, Alex thinks. His hands move without Alex actively thinking about it. They find their old paths around Henry’s face, and Alex thinks he’d recognise Henry’s face in a sea of people. A nostalgic feeling hits him, and suddenly his heart aches like it hasn’t in months. We were supposed to be it, H. We were supposed to be forever. And now I’m hurting and you’re broken. Will we ever be the same again? Will we ever be okay again? I don’t know, H. I really don’t. But you will be, I’ll make sure of it. Just as he’s finished that thought, Henry starts to shift. Fuck. Henry turns his head so that his face is turned up at Alex. When he opens his eyes, Henry seems less surprised that Alex expected. His blue eyes just stare directly up at Alex’s and his stomach jumps. And, suddenly, unexpectedly, just like that, Alex is so, so in love. So Alex doesn’t lift his hand and his thumb keeps stroking Henry’s head gently.  
“Hey”, Alex asks softly, his voice still hoarse from the night, “you okay?”  
Henry keeps his gaze on Alex as he lightly shakes his head no. Right this moment, Alex couldn’t understand Henry more than he’s doing now. No. Of course he isn’t. They’ve been through hell, they are hurt. Neither of them is okay.  
“Good”, Alex has a tiny smile on his lips, “me neither.”  
Henry moves, and at first, Alex thinks he might get up, but instead he just snuggles more into Alex’s lap.  
“We will be.”, Henry gives him a reassuring look, and Alex hears some of Henry’s old confidence return to his tone.  
I hope so, Alex thinks, and he doesn’t stop his fingers from outlining Henry’s features.


	11. New Year's Day - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't read the last page  
> But I stay when it's hard or it's wrong or you're making mistakes  
> I want your midnights  
> But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day
> 
> Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you  
> Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you  
> Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you  
> And I will hold on to you"
> 
> Time passes and everything seems to be fine. But on New Year’s Day what has been buildings up for months finally happens...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the second to last chapter... for me, writing this was quite bittersweet. Overall, I've had so much fun writing this. The song for this scene is called New Year's Day and it is once again by - surprise - Taylor Swift. Apart from this being a beautiful song (in my opinion anyways), the scene was also heavily inspired by it. Keep reading people, this is where it gets good! Leave a comment and enjoy!

The following days pass in a blur. They celebrate Christmas morning with a big brunch, and Henry and Alex sit next to each other. Though Alex is still not completely ready to let his guard down, he also sees how well Henry seems to be doing. He also notices how well he is doing, how the sun finally seems to shine on him again. How colours return to his world, how he looks forward to getting up every day. At first, he feared that they might leave after boxing day, but June has no intention of leaving Pez and Nora is in love with the English seaside. And so they stay.  
On New Years Eve, they all get dressed up and drink champagne. When the clock strikes midnight, June and Pez kiss and Henry shoots Alex a knowing, goofy smile before they awkwardly air-toast to each other. In another world, Alex might have kissed Henry right then. Not in this one, but over the past few days, he’s grown to believe that that world might not be too far away. That’s what he hopes, at least. His heart is longing for Henry but his conscience still has troubles with the consequences his actions might have on Henry. Once again, he is unsure. But for now, he just goes with the flow, whatever happens, Alex knows now, they will probably be fine.

On New Years Day, Alex and Henry are the first ones to rise from the dead. They had excused themselves soon after midnight, Henry still exhausted and tired, and Alex not really seeing a reason to stay up when Henry’s gone to sleep. When Alex enters the living room area, he finds Henry, back bent towards him, bag in hand, picking up confetti and bottles that are scattered all over the floor. Wordlessly, Alex grabs a bag himself and starts cleaning up himself. Henry notices him and smiles. They keep working in amicable silence beside each other. Just as Alex bends to pick up a beer bottle, his head pumps against something hard and he looks up. Henry had the same idea and looks at him flustered, rubbing his head.   
“I’m sorry.”, Alex says, and as he speaks, he can feel Henry’s breath on his face. They are standing very close to each other, Alex realises. Henry seems to have had that revelation too, as his expression suddenly changes. A look of bewilderment, at first, and then a mixture of hurt and longing flashes in Henry’s eyes. We are too close, Alex thinks, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he can’t help but try to move even closer. It’s like gravity pulling him towards Henry. You can almost grab the tension between the two of them.  
Henry clears his throat. “Um… I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t keep doing this.”, he presses out as his eyes grow bigger, and maybe bluer, if that is even possible.   
Panic rises in Alex, followed by a sharp pain. Apparently, he misread all the signs. Maybe they wouldn’t be okay after all. He swallows. He knows he’s got to let go. For Henry’s sake.  
“I… understand. I’ll leave.”, Alex is already turned to the door. He’ll catch the next flight out of Heathrow.   
Suddenly, there’s a tug at his wrist. He feels himself be pulled back by a firm hand. Now he’s facing Henry again. Henry’s eyes are on him, and right in that moment, he looks powerful. Like a prince, like a king.  
“No”, Henry says, and his voice sounds urgent, “that’s not what I meant. That’s not what I want.”, and before Alex can process what’s happening, Henry pulls him closer towards him, and their chests are pressed against each other. And then, just like that, their lips touch and Henry starts working his magic. Ferociously, he tucks at Alex lips before his slips his tongue into Alex’ mouth. Henry is like an animal that hasn’t been fed in months. Hungry. Hungry for Alex. And Alex is swallowed up by Henry’s hunger. He cannot grasp what he’s experiencing until it dawns on him. Shit, he’s kissing Henry. This wasn’t part of his plan. This was so not part of his plan. Also, didn’t Henry just tell him to leave? And all of a sudden, Alex pulls away and takes a step back, creating space between the two of them. As all warmth flees his body, he immediately regrets his decision, but he knows that they cannot just go back to where they left off. After everything that’s happened. Knowing all the destruction it could cause.  
“Wait-“, Alex gasps breathlessly, “I… I thought we were done..?”  
At first, Henry’s expression doesn’t give anything away, but then he a smirk spreads over his lips as he answers: “Oh love”,he breaths softly and pauses to let the words sink into Alex, “I don’t believe we could ever be done.”  
Now it is Alex who closes the distance between their bodies. He puts one hand on Henry’s shoulder and the other around his waist. He starts kissing him. And this time, it is a slow, gentle kiss. He lets himself be swept away by Henry’s touch. Maybe, they weren’t stars at all. Or maybe they were. But even if they were, and they were destined to crash into each other, then they’re doomed anyways. They cannot escape their orbits, so why force it? Also, maybe a collision wasn’t so bad after all. At least they’d merge into one as they’d light up the universe. And, whatever, the world could end around them, Alex wouldn’t mind. All that matters is this. Alex saviours every second of the kiss, giving in to Henry’s pull, his hand around Alex’s neck, knowing there is no rush. They’ve got forever ahead of them.


	12. Better Now - a Christmas story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So I hope you're feeling better now, better now (better now, someday)  
> Better now, better now  
> Yeah, I hope you're feeling better now, better now (better now)  
> And they've lifted the dark clouds  
> 'Cause you've been through it all and I'll wait for the call just to know  
> You deserve to feel better now"
> 
> Alex and Henry have been through it all. Sexual confusion, international scandals, drugs, losing everything. Basically all the adventures and dragons anyone could think of. Now, it’s finally time to visit them again, when everything is quiet and calm. Can they finally get their happy ending?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the final chapter. For this one, I've chosen Better Now by Oh Wonder. If you've made it this far, well done for sticking around! As I've mentioned many times before, writing this has been a lot of fun. Alex and Henry are two characters I adore and I'm so thankful to Casey McQuiston for giving them to us. Also, thank you for reading this, I really do hope you enjoyed it. If you have any final thoughts or feedback for the whole story, please do share them in the comments! Thank you, have fun & merry Christmas!

Epilogue

Henry is sitting at the desk by the window, looking out at the sea. He’s writing away while rays of the Californian sun make their way through the glass. They moved to LA just after Easter, agreeing that they could really use a fresh start and some sun. Henry knows that Alex only made the decision for Henry, seeing as Alex would’ve been perfectly fine in their old apartment in NYC. But he’s also aware that it was the right decision. He really is doing better over here, where the sun shines all the time and he’s surrounded by nature rather than reporters. The people of LA are used to celebrities living amongst them, the Prince of England and the FSOTUS aren’t any different. But Henry is. He is different now, better. His hair has grown back, forming golden curls on his head. The sun has brought his freckles back again and Alex’ cooking efforts have paid off, Henry looking much healthier and stronger. They brought David with them to LA, taking him on long hikes and feeding him fancy, overpriced dog food. On Sundays, Alex makes Henry do yoga with him on the beach, and though he was sceptical at first, he’s grown to enjoy it. During the week, he spends a lot of time at his desk. He’s started properly writing poetry, which he’s actually pretty good at. Though he’s writing under a pseudonym, not wanting people to read his work because of his name, he’s found a publisher he’ll happily hand over his first draft next month.   
Alex is doing well, too, although you cannot really see a difference form the outside. He never looked bad. He’s kept his hair longer than he used to when he was younger, and Henry loves running his hands through it and twirling the brown locks around his finger. He’s exchanged his loafers for trainers, every inch the Californian. He’s still studying law at NYU, taking online courses. When he’s not working for uni, he’s helping out at a non-profit law firm, helping young people all across the US in court. He’s truly invested and very good at this, which makes Henry proud.   
Today, Alex is off to Washington again, his first business trip for the non profit. He knows that Alex is very nervous, he’s been this way for days. Henry is, too, but for a different reason. The story he’s currently finishing has been in the works for weeks, months even. He knows today is the day. He’s sure of it.

Alex emerges in the doorframe and makes his way to Henry, placing his hand on Henry’s shoulder and softly starting to kiss his neck.  
“Hey,” Henry turns to face him, smiling broadly, pulling Alex into a kiss.  
“Baby, I-“, Alex starts, “I really gotta go, I’m late already!”, Alex grins nervously.  
“Yes, yes I know. Just one more thing,” Henry turns turns to the desk and grabs the sheet, ink still fresh “would you mind proof-reading this for me? It’ll only take a second.”  
“Seriously, my flight takes off in three hours…”, a look of pity forms in Alex’ face.  
“Pleaseee love, just do it quickly! It’s a short story.”  
“Alright, hand it over.”, Alex sighs and gestures at the paper in Henry’s hand before he starts reading.

“Once upon a time there lived a young prince, born with his heart outside of his body.   
It was exposed and vulnerable and his mother and father worried for it’s safety. They told him that he had to hide it, had to protect it. He didn’t understand their worry, for in their kingdom the sun always shone. He did as he was asked half-heartedly. Luck blessed them for a while, so when dark clouds covered their sun, they weren’t prepared. When his father died, the heart of the prince cracked.  
To spare his mother, the prince glued it together but it didn’t fit. It would never fit quite right again. But years passed and the prince pretended. Pretended to be happy, normal and perfect.   
As the world believed him, so did he. But then suddenly a strange knight arrived at court, and without hesitation broke down all guards of the prince. He didn’t treat him like he was perfect and reminded the prince again, who he really was.   
He saw the crack in the prince’s heart and he kissed it, loved it. He showed him that his heart wasn’t perfect either.   
And just like that the prince got better, felt and laughed and lived again. They made each other better.   
They grew into one as they faced adventures and dragons. In the darkness they found a way to be happy. But when the sun finally broke free to shine on them again, the prince got scared. Scared the knight would finally see the real him and his messy heart. He grew scared he wouldn’t be enough.   
Our prince, you see, was quite stupid and so he ran away, finally ripping his heart in two. Half of it staying protected in the knights armour. In agony, the prince searched for relief everywhere, falling deeper into the darkness than ever. To where he couldn’t see anymore, from where he couldn’t find his way back anymore. He was lost. Until he was found again. The knight took his hand and led him back into the light. And as the clock struck midnight, his heart was finally whole again.   
Now, there’s only one thing missing for the happily ever after.”

“Oh H…”, Alex looks up, but Henry’s not in front of him. Then, he lowers his gaze and finds Henry on the floor, kneeling in front of him. In his hand, he’s got a ring. The ring. Henry’s signet ring, the one Alex threw at him back in December.  
“Love,” Henry starts and his voice immediately cracks, “will you-“  
“Yes!”, Alex intercepts him, “Fuck, of course I will!”  
A smile spreads across his face as he slides the ring onto Alex’ finger. Alex bends down to Henry, and kisses him on the way up.   
The kiss goes on for a lifetime. Forever.


End file.
